Come back arnie all is forgiven.

Well I just saw the new Conan film, and it is three things- inexplicable,incomprehensible and laughable.
I think the director and the writers need to be tied in a sack and thrown off a bridge....as a start to making the world a better place.
I also have to say also that arnie's acting towers over jason momoa- (who came across as a smirking, prancy, back sack and crack waxer).
And the bad guy was about as fearsome as a pensioner could be.
There was a dead giveaway bit where the baddie and his daughter huffed despairingly when conan jumped into the sea to get away. It was the "who writes this shit huff" for sure.
 At that point I too wished I could jump into the sea to get away also.

Also I think the action sequences were particularly badly edited or conceived, the music sucked, and sad to say so many shots were concept art cliches and each shot so contrived as a concept art money shot that there was no visual continuity whatsoever.
Who'd have thought saying " I slay . I love. (I act badly)" was such a leg opener?
And I don't know who was the health and safety cultist because they sure don't make evil temples(or bridges across lava filled crevasses) like they used to- a bit like the Holy grail or Jabberwocky or Sam Pekinpahs Salad Days in a lot of places.
Luckily though  Conan has super hearing so he can hear the purebloods faint cries whether it be in a forest miles away or a crumbling cave.


Sigh.